EPISODE 1: DRAPED IN RED FLAGS
We women tend to fall into female friendships with a skip and a sparkle. Hooray! A new friend! But what happens months (or years) later when you find yourself enmeshed in a crappy friendship with someone you never would’ve connected with if you’d known her better? Episode 1 talks about seeing the red flags in a friendship before it’s a huge mess…or making excuses for them and finding yourself in a bog of negativity.
EPISODE 2: YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE
Sure, she’s got her flaws…but you’re immune because of your super-special friendship and sister-like bond. Or not. Do you have a friend who's just mean? She says cruel yet hilarious things and seems to get her jollies talking trash? Think because you're besties this behavior doesn't apply to you? Brace yourself, honey. It's just a matter of time before her true colors show.
EPISODE 3: GREEN-EYED MONSTER
Comparison is the thief of joy, said Teddy Roosevelt, and the man knew a thing or two. What’s the difference between wanting some of the same things your friends have and true envy? Have you ever been resentful of a friend’s success on any level…or have you ever been surprised when a friend isn’t so happy for you when good things happen?
EPISODE 4: THE VICTIM CARD
Some women are survivors…and some are in a perpetual state of suffering. No matter what, their problems are worse the yours, the universe is out to get them, and your job is to listen…not that you can make a difference. Special guest: Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name), Ph.D., (yes, her real credentials) helps deal with this not-a-bad-person-but-endlessly-draining friend.
EPISODE 5: THE HUNGRY HEART
Did you ever have a friend who needed so much from you? At first, things seemed great. Magical, almost. Then, cruel reality sets in, and you see that your friend is a black hole, never satisfied, always hurt that you’re not there enough for her. How to spot the warnings signs, and how to avoid the love at first sight syndrome.
EPISODE 6: BAD HABITS, GOOD FRIENDS
Did you ever have a friend who needed so much from you? At first, things seemed great. Magical, almost. Then, cruel reality sets in, and you see that your friend is a black hole, never satisfied, always hurt that you’re not there enough for her. How to spot the warnings signs, and how to avoid the love at first sight syndrome.
EPISODE 7: THE CHARDONNAY EDITION
After a glass or two of California’s finest, Joss and Kristan discuss fictional female friendship (and the dearth thereof). Which TV character would they most want as their Chardonnay gal-pal, which movies and shows get it right, and how they both work to create strong female friendships in their books.
EPISODE 8: FRENEMIES
Frenemies are those people who are nice on the surface but have ulterior motives for the friendship. Someone who gives us praise one moment, but spreads gossip about us the next. Someone we are never quite sure is on our side. Sometimes they are; sometimes they're not. You have a nagging feeling that they'll throw you under the bus at a moment's notice. and you're right; they will.
EPISODE 9: 10 RULES OF FRIENDSHIP
Here are ten ways good friends come through for each other. Are these the things you do for your pals? Do they do them for you?
EPISODE 10: BITCH & DITCH
You've been there for her 100%, listening to her crisis, offering your shoulder to soak up her tears, taking her phone calls…and then, boom! She slams the door in your face. What did you do wrong?
Nothing. It's not about you, honey. It's about her and her issues. Listen to our special guest, Yara of the Marble Islands (you should see her kitchen countertops) as we dissect what happens when you know too much.
EPISODE 11: JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
What to do with that friend who's perfectly…meh. There's nothing horribly wrong, but is there anything great? What if the feeling isn't mutual, and you find yourself billed as her bestie when you just don't feel the same way? The Ladies offer their help…plus more embarrassing personal problems!
EPISODE 12: BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO
So it's come to this: you really want to end the friendship. Why is it so hard? How can you be kind but also free yourself of a "friend" who brings nothing good to your life? The Ladies will talk about various ways to free up that space so you can fill it with good people.
EPISODE 13: GOSSIP GIRL!
Oh, the pitfalls of gossip! It's so delicious, sometimes necessary and a way of bonding…but it can go south fast. See what The Ladies have to say on the subject, and how they've been burned themselves.
EPISODE 14: GIRL GANGS
What's better than a group of close friends? Nothing! Except when things don't go so well, or the girls are mean, or you have to ask someone to leave the gang. How to make sure your band of sisters doesn't turn into a blood bath of horror, plus drinkies, Kristan singing against everyone's will and Joss's tiara. Special guests Yara of the Marble Islands & Countertops, Dr. Khaleesi, Ph.D. (fake name, real creds) and author Anne Renwick.
EPISODE 15: WANTING WHAT SHE HAS
You love your friend. You're glad for her successes. It's just that you want them, too! Why does she get everything when you don't? It's not fair! The Ladies discuss how to deal with these perfectly normal thoughts.
EPISODE 16: WEDDING WOES & BRIDEZILLA BITCHES
These are times that try the soul. Why can't everyone just elope? And yet, the Ladies love a good wedding. Tips on dealing with brides who turn to the Dark Side when planning their weddings, saving your own sanity, and not breaking the bank.
EPISODE 17: THE ATTENTION WHORE
Dude, we all have one. What is it about those friends who bring every conversation back to themselves? Why do we put up with it? Can you fix them? Should you try? Maybe they're not bad people, but talking to them can be such a drain. How to deal…or not.
EPISODE 18: COMING CLEAN
Has life hit you over the head with a baseball bat? Does everyone seem to have a better life than you? Girl, it happens. Rather than eat your emotions or make voodoo dolls of your friends, the Ladies have some suggestions on how to engage your besties without guilt and take baby steps to feeling better.
EPISODE 19: BEST FRIENDS WITH THE FACE IN THE MIRROR
What if we were as good and kind to ourselves as we are to our very best friend? The Ladies discuss self care, the big and the small, the difference between that and self numbing, and how practice makes perfect when it comes to making a better life for yourself. A must-listen after any rough week!
EPISODE 20: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART
Your best friend--YOUR BEST FRIEND--doesn't just dump you...she paints you as the villain and cuts you out of your friend group. Just when you thought life was going to get better, you've been gutted. How do you start over when all you want is to back to the way things were? The Ladies offer advice, sympathy…and of course, an embarrassing personal problem involving Kristan's nostrils, just for you, our dear listeners.
EPISODE 21: BABY AND THE BATH WATER
Your pal isn't perfect (and neither are you). How do you manage a friend who's great some of the time, and kinda sorta crappy at others? Is there a way to keep the good and ditch the bad? The Ladies discuss, and Joss overshares about a recent massage parlor visit.
EPISODE 22: TWISTED SISTER
You marry the person of your dreams…and get the sister-in-law of your nightmares. But you used to be friends! And now she hates you. How do you maintain your sanity, establish boundaries and stay out of jail? The Ladies are thrilled to take on the first in our holiday special series: Crappy Relatives.
In keeping with the approach of the holidays, the Ladies are taking on crappy relatives with the help of psychologist Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name, but yes, her real job). Why is that we so often feel second best when with our families? Can we lob a piece of dry, tasteless turkey at them, or do we have to suck it up? Is wine the only answer? Tune in and find out!
EPISODE 24: SHALLOW BIOTCH
She only wants to talk about celebrity gossip and reality TV (no judgment!)…but you and your group are moving forward, while she's stuck on the couch at her parents' house. Do you ditch her or give her a chance to try a little harder? The Ladies are joined by their first millennial guest, Princess Jon Snow, for added insight.
EPISODE 25: IS MY SISTER A SERIAL KILLER?
Could be! The Ladies and special guest Princess Jon Snow continue the Crappy Relatives letters. Maybe that sis isn't quite so evil… just a jealous, controlling, self-centered wretch. Plus, Joss's hints on body disposal!
EPISODE 26: DUMPED WITHOUT CEREMONY
You were the best friend she ever had…right until she dumped your ass. Why didn't she talk about it? Did you do something? What the hell, right? Can you get closure? Should you try? The Ladies offer sympathy and tips, and Kristan discusses why she can no longer wear jumpsuits in Embarrassing Personal Problems.
EPISODE 27: JOB VS. FRIENDS
You land your dream job…and your friends, all in the same field, take umbrage with your famous boss (who may or may not be Tim Gunn). You're moving ahead and quite possibly opening doors for them; they're not having it. Plus, Kristan's phallic plants and Joss's horror of same.
EPISODE 28: MY FRIEND THE HERO
You love this friend and she has so many great qualities…except she's a conversation hog, and the subject of her stories is always…her greatness. Is it possible to ask her to take it down a notch without destroying your friendship?
EPISODE 29: CRAPPY RELATIVES PART 2
'Tis the season to be annoyed with your relatives! From a gassy great-uncle to the parents who can't stop overpraising your loser brother and the relative you've been taught to endure, we've got a lot to discuss!
EPISODE 30: VETTING A POTENTIAL FRIEND
The Ladies have said it again and again: vetting a person before jumping into a friendship is NECESSARY, dude. But what does that mean? Using Kristan's anal-retentive checklist, the Ladies give you things to look for, things to do, and things to think about.
EPISODE 31: FOMO (FEAR OF MISSING OUT)
Are your friends hanging out without you? Sometimes, absolutely. The Ladies discuss how to overcome FOMO, loving solitude, and the joys of NOT being there all the time. Plus, a listener shares her epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem.
EPISODE 32: CRAPPY RELATIVES, MOTHER-IN-LAW EDITION
She raised the one you love…and yet she might be the end of your relationship and the start of your prison sentence. The Ladies discuss boundaries, passive-aggressiveness, holidays and the whole messy schmere.
EPISODE 33: THE OLD WOUND
"It's the old wound, my king. It has never healed." Yes, yes, Kristan needs to stop watching Excalibur, it's true, but those old wounds can really suck, as Lancelot knows. And why? WHY? You were a good friend, and then she dumped you. Now you might run into her, and the thought makes quake in terror at the anticipated conversation. The Ladies offer advice, and Kristan talks about Econo-Shaving in #EmbarrassingPersonalProblems.
EPISODE 34: B-LIST FRIENDS
Sometimes, you really like someone, but she's keeping you in the B-list friend zone. How to pick up on cues, address vague answers and see if maybe there's nothing wrong with a friend who's not your bosom buddy.
EPISODE 35: WHEN YOU'RE LEFT OUT
Is everyone hanging out without you? Why? What did you do wrong? You've tried to be such a good pal, but there they are, and here you are. The Ladies discuss what might be going on. Plus, Joss's year of Grace, Poise and Elegance (GPE) continues as she manages not to fall down a creaky staircase.
EPISODE 36: SAD CLOWN
One of these friends is not like the other, and it's starting to irritate. When should you be concerned about a friend who doesn't seem to take care about how she looks? Does it matter? Plus, the Ladies discuss their own mothers and the lessons learned (or not learned) about presentation, and Kristan's fixation on being Tim Gunn's best friend.
EPISODE 37: CYBER FRIENDS
Can you become close with someone you've never met? How do you transition from online pals to friends in real life? What if real life doesn't match up with your online image of a person? The Ladies discuss at length!
EPISODE 38: COMMUNICATION BREAK DOWN
Your friend has completely misunderstood something you said, and things are not as they once were. How can you come back from that? Should you try? Is there a hidden message here? Plus, Kristan discusses the difficulty of listening to a friend's sad story whilst also being desperate for the ladies' room in #EmbarrassingPersonalProblems, and Joss (irritatingly) continues her year of grace, poise and elegance.
EPISODE 39: BE BETTER
You've gone and done it, and you know it. Friends behaving badly, and in public no less. How can you come back from your less-than-finest moment(s)? The Ladies discuss sucking it up, the art of the apology, and reach back into Kristan's childhood for an Embarrassing Personal Problem.
EPISODE 40: I'M NOT BEYONCÉ
Why does your friend always assume you're too busy for her? Why does she say things like, "I know you're better friends with Dolores (not her real name)...are you sure you want to hang out with little old me?" Is it insecurity or an attention grab? Plus, Joss discusses her gains in Grace, Poise and Elegance (#GPE2019).
EPISODE 41: YOU'RE OUT OF THE WILL
The slippery slope of friendship when money is a part of it. Years and years of devotion can disintegrate, just like that, and leave you shocked and hurt. The Ladies also discuss the overuse of certain words, like toxic and trigger. Plus, Kristan's sainted mother provides another #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem, bless her.
EPISODE 42: WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
The Ladies hear back from some letter writers of episodes past with updates on their situations. Plus, a brave physical education teacher shares her #Embarrassing Personal Problem involving a condom and a missing, er…tool.
EPISODE 43: THE BROKEN IN ME
What makes us seek out friends who are almost guaranteed to hurt us? Who have a track record of ghosting, dropping friends, bad behavior? Is it, as the letter writer suggests, "the broken in me seeing the broken in you"? The Ladies discuss how to share some of the more difficult times of your life without info-dumping too early in a friendship, and being able to identify as more than a survivor or victim.
EPISODE 44: SHOULD I CUT THIS BITCH LOOSE?
Such a direct question! The Ladies answer a young letter writer who sees red flags in a person but is also tied to them through a graduate program. How do you balance being a good classmate and also watch out that you don't get stuck in a toxic friendship? Plus, updates on Kristan's hideous leg, and some all-too-personal problems from Joss.
EPISODE 45: FROSTED BY MY FRIENDS
When your life circumstances change, shouldn't your friends stand with you through the tumult? They're not really judging you on a change in social status, are they? Could it be something else? The Ladies discuss patterns, support, compassion fatigue and Joss miraculously turns an Embarrassing Personal Problem into a moment of Grace, Poise and Elegance. As she does.
EPISODE 46: SORRY SEEMS TO BE THE HARDEST WORD
We all screw up. The Ladies break down the elements of an apology and why it can change take a friendship on life support and make it happy and healthy once more.
EPISODE 47: DRAMA MAMA IN DIVORCIELANDIA
What DOES one do when a friend can't stop bringing up her divorce years after the fact? When she cries if you mention your anniversary? When she brings all conversation back to her and her ex? A few brisk slaps? A gift certificate for counseling? The Ladies discuss compassion, compassion fatigue and when to take a friend aside for a little chat.
EPISODE 48: RAPID FIRE THE SECOND
Friend overreacting? Not invited to a wedding? The Ladies take on some of the more straightforward friend questions, and Kristan admits an embarrassing fact (Joss is shocked. Shocked, we tell you).
EPISODE 49: EIGHT GIRLS AND A PIZZA
Learning to stand up for yourself in a firm, polite way is a life skill the Ladies WISH they'd learned in their twenties (or before). But it's not too late! Plus, what does one do with prechewed food? An #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem from a listener!
EPISODE 50: NO FRIENDS, NO DRAMA AND HALLE BERRY
What if you're mostly happy without friends? How do you explain that to people who might make overtures? The Ladies get a unique letter from a listener who sounds happy in her solitude but is afraid she might be missing out.
EPISODE 51: THE OFFICE SHREW
Sorry for the technical snafu! Once more, with feeling… You're all friends at work…except for that one person who kills everyone's happy vibe and messes with productivity. What do you do? What should you ask your boss? Are you required to like someone just because you work together? How far is "nice" supposed to go? The Ladies discuss, and Kristan talks about self-care, even when it sucks and you feel embarrassed.
EPISODE 52: THE FRIENDLY GHOSTING
Is it ever okay to walk away from a friendship without a word? Two letters ask the same question: Can I be done with her yet? But the Ladies are intrigued! Is that what our letter writers really want? Plus, Joss's dog, the infamous and fabulous Glory, scratches her itchy spots whilst the Ladies drink cheap Chardonnay and ponder life's difficult questions.
EPISODE 53: BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN
How do you stay friends with a couple after a divorce? What if you want to be friends with the new woman? Plus, hints for heaving dead groundhogs from your backyard, and how to stay cool in this weather!
EPISODE 54: THE FLAILING FRIEND
A glimpse into the mind of "that" friend whose rough patch lasts longer than she wants it to…and how she recognized the drain this put on her friendships. The Ladies weigh in on coping mechanisms for both sides when a friend is flailing.
EPISODE 55: AM I AN UNPAID THERAPIST?
Your friend is lovely, intelligent and kind…and her life is in the toilet all the freakin' time. You, on the other hand, have your act pretty much together. How do you create balance and avoid being an unpaid therapist? How can you avoid every conversation circling back to her endless problems while still being there for her? The Ladies discuss, plus a horrifying Embarrassing Personal Problem Kristan finally has the courage to describe.
EPISODE 56: THE PSYCHIC FRIENDS NETWORK
What do you do when a friend fails to pick up on your hints? And what do you do when a friend takes credit for things that don't involve her? The Ladies discuss the sometimes strange manifestations of good intentions, and how to learn to choose positivity over frustration.
EPISODE 57: THE FAVORITE DAUGHTER
Why does there have to be a favorite? Your mom can't stop talking about how much better your sibling is…but what does she say to your sibling when you're not around? The fascinating dynamics that bubble over when someone stirs the pot. Plus, a follow-up from one of our most fascinating letters this year!
EPISODE 58: AM I A MARTYR?
You're the designated helper…you drive them to their appointments, cook when they're sick, loan them money, and yet when you need a favor, no one's around. The Ladies discuss how and when to help a friend, and when and how to say no, and your own responsibility when people take advantage of your good nature.
EPISODE 59: STARTING FROM SCATCH
You're off to college or grad school. How do you get started on making a new set of friends? The Ladies offer advice that's applicable to just about anyone starting from scratch.
EPISODE 60: MY FRIEND THE RACIST
Yeah, no. She's not your friend, because you have morals and decency. So what do you do when a friendly acquaintance outs herself as a bigot? How do you call someone on this? The Ladies have thoughts. Plus, one of the BEST Embarrassing Personal Problems since the Tale of the Lost Tampon.
EPISODE 61: JUDGE NOT, CHURCH LADY
An interesting episode in which our letter writer reveals much about herself and the mixed messages she's sending a friend she deems toxic. Oh, the tangled webs we weave when first we go out to lunch with someone! How can you be honest AND kind? When is the problem really you, and how can you tell? The Ladies bring in their favorite therapist, Dr. Khaleesi, and discuss this thorny situation.
EPISODE 62: FRIEND IN A BAD PLACE
Apologies for the cut-off! Trying again... When your friend is on a dangerous, self-destructive path, what's your role as her friend? How can you help? Is it your job to save her? (Hint: No. Sorry. You can't.) The Ladies bring in professional psychologist Dr. Khaleesi (not her real name, but yes, her real credentials) to discuss how to maintain a friendship even when your pal is making bad decisions, and how to take care of yourself during this tough time.
EPISODE 63: WHAT IF SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS?
Your friend is great…much of the time. Some of the time. She has some good qualities, but things don't feel balanced. Maybe you want to end the friendship, but you're scared to dump her because she really has had her share of trauma. What if you push her into doing something drastic? What if the end of your friendship will be the straw that breaks her back? The Ladies discuss…plus…THE BEST EMBARRASSING PERSONAL PROBLEM IN HISTORY!
EPISODE 64: A HORRIBLE DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Oh, those group dynamics can be killer, especially when all the drama is unfolding right where you live! What is this, a Desperate Housewives reboot? Can't you just cut your lawn and yell at your kids in peace? Or should you move, as Joss suggests?
EPISODE 65: WHEN ANIMALS ATTACK
And by animals, we mean teenagers. In this age of cyberbullying and dangerously high teen suicide rates, what can you do to intervene? Is there any way to protect a kid you know who's going through a rough time? Our answers are as mom and aunties, not healthcare professionals. If you or someone you know is considering suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
EPISODE 66: EXTRA, EXTRA!
You like this woman, but she's dying to be your BFF…and you have your BFF. How to temper the perfectly nice friend who goes above and beyond the call in that uncomfortable way. Plus, the Ladies discuss pedicures and potential traps.
EPISODE 67: CAN'T WIN FOR LOSING
You've tried to be nice, kind, a good listener…but you can't seem to give it away. Why do some people have a harder time making friends? The Ladies discuss possible red flags you might be waving, methods of engaging, and how not to overwhelm someone with good intentions.
EPISODE 68: JUDGEY JUDY
Your friend is great…except when she's talking about the lesser mortals who surround her. You KNOW she talks about you, too, and you're obsessed with what she might be saying. Is this a real friendship? How can you talk to her about it? Should you even try? Also, Kristan's nephew weighs in on her aging neck.
EPISODE 69: BEASTIE AND THE BEAST
That sinking feeling when you lose your one and only gal-pal…because she chose a racist ass over you. And yet, you miss her. There were so many good times. How will you fill the gap? The Ladies discuss the hardship of losing a friend, the reality of crappy people and how to take care of yourself.
EPISODE 70: RICH GIRL, POOR GIRL
What happens when your friend seems to be rubbing her newfound financial security in your face? Is the bitch showing off, or is she just enjoying life? The Ladies discuss what the difference is, and ten qualities that make a friendship healthy.
EPISODE 71: FUN WITH FRIENDS
Are you tired of hanging out and doing the same things? The Ladies have tips to invigorate those friendships, because, just like a romantic situation, friendships can fall into a rut. Not if we can help it!
EPISODE 72: FRIENDSHIP IN THE TIME OF COVID
How can you take care of your friendships during this pandemic? How can you feel less alone when you ARE alone? The Ladies discuss ways to stay close and keep a sense of humor during this scary time.
EPISODE 73: ISOLATED IN ISOLATION
It's bad enough being in lockdown these days, and then you find your friends are socially distancing without you! The Ladies discuss group dynamics, especially high school friend groups. Plus, a horribly relatable Embarrassing Personal Problem. (Apologies for the slight echo…we're podcasting remotely and working on the glitches!)
EPISODE 74: WHEN A FRIEND IS BEING ABUSED
The Ladies depart from their usual jocularity to discuss the complexities of friendship with someone in an abusive relationship. Using resources from the National Domestic Abuse website (www.thehotline.org/), they discuss how to keep an open door to a friend in a terrible situation, and how to take care of yourself as you do. If you or a loved one is in an abusive relationship, there is help! Call 800 799 7233 (800 799 SAFE), or call 911 if your safety is in imminent danger.
EPISODE 75: THE EXAGGERATOR
You like this friend quite a lot! That is, until a few mistruths start showing up in her narrative. Is she trying to keep up with you? Is this a red flag? Should you care as much as you do? The Ladies discuss, and Joss confesses to the depths she'll sink (or perhaps rise) to living in a house full of boxes post-move. Also, why does car driven by Kristan's mom's have fur in the grille?
EPISODE 76: SMALL TOWN FRIENDSHIP DRAMA
Life in a small town means everyone knows your business, and everyone has an opinion. What happens when your friend's decisions have a ripple effect on you, your family or other friends? When does expressing concern become gossip? Plus, Kristan and Joss praise each other for getting dressed and other small victories from the pandemic.
EPISODE 77: LEAVING THE GANG
It was great…until it wasn't. You all met with a shared interest, life event or profession, but after a while, things changed. How do you leave a group whose members have supported and cheered for you? How can you keep some of those friends while stepping away from others? Joss and Kristan discuss the pros and cons of being direct and, conversely, taking the easy way out. Plus, an embarrassing personal problem that will make Joss's neighbors watch out for Kristan's car.
EPISODE 78: WHAT THE HELL ARE BOUNDARIES?
We always talk about establishing good boundaries, but what does that really mean? What are the words that you use? In another Chardonnay edition, the Ladies talk about missteps that can be made when boundaries aren't made clear. Plus, oversharing on periods, as one does.
EPISODE 79: WORKING WITH WHAT YOU HAVE
What's a woman to do when the friendship pool is shallow at best? When all the alliances have already formed, and, truth be told, there just doesn't seem to be anyone you want to be friends with in the first place? The Ladies discuss how to find that needle in a haystack, look for signs of potential connection and how to create opportunities to find like-minded people. Plus, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem that leads to a history lesson on the maxi-pad.
EPISODE 80: DIRTY GIRLS
Oh, not in THAT sense, you pervs! No, no...this is a case of a friend who lives in hygienic standards that are far below your normal, and what many would consider squalor or hoarding. Do you say something? Offer to help? Why would someone choose to live like this? The Ladies seek help from their friend and cleaning expert, Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops.
EPISODE 81: ALLEGIANCES
You meet a friend in a group. You get along great…until another group member starts laying claim to who gets to be friends with whom. We've all experienced it! The Ladies offer advice on navigating group dynamics and bring in fan favorite Yara of the Marble Islands and Countertops for color commentary and sage advice. Plus, the lengths Kristan will go to woo her orthopedist in Embarrassing Personal Problems.
EPISODE 82: TOXICITY
When is a friendship actually damaging? Is it possible that YOU are the toxic friend? Are some friends worth putting up with, even if you don't really enjoy them most of the time? Plus, an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem read by Joss with glee.
EPISODE 83: CLEAR & PRESENT ANSWERS
This week, the Ladies take on two letters where the answers are clear: how to support a great friend in a crappy situation; and when it's A-okay to drop a friend who's crossed a line. And such a line it is!
EPISODE 84: FRIENDS & FEMALE PROBLEMS OF A DELICATE NATURE
How do you confide in friends about the most personal problems? From fertility to deflowering, the Ladies discuss how to take a step closer to friends in times of need, and recognizing when friends are just there to watch a train wreck.
EPISODE 85: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
You love this friend, but she's been flailing at the same problems for years and years, and it's wearing your soul thin. Is there any way to help her? To be friends knowing her life probably won't change, no matter how much she claims to want that? Joss is on FIRE with great advice as Kristan nods in agreement.
EPISODE 86: WHEN WORK & FRIENDSHIP DON'T MIX
It's wonderful to have a work friend…but once you start becoming close, things can blur. What if the friendship changes, but you still have to work with her? The Ladies discuss that, and Kristan's potential tattoo, no matter what her kids say.
EPISODE 87: THE MAID OF HONOR
You're getting married and all is butterflies and sunshine…except your maid of honor seems less than thrilled. Plus, your fiance doesn't seem crazy about her, and she's been your bestie for ages. Plus, Kristan overshares about the hideous results of an injury whilst pretending she's crafty.
EPISODE 88: MY FRIEND THE ADDICT
One of the more difficult issues the Ladies have addressed: how do you help a friend with an addiction? Is there a role for you? Why did you pick her as a friend, and what do you do now? Plus, a listener offers a different perspective on one of our earlier episodes.
EPISODE 89: FRIENDS WITH CHALLENGES
You have some physical and neurological issues that might make it harder to find your peeps, especially in the time of COVID, and need more than one person to be there for you. The Ladies offer suggestions that apply to us all, really, as well as resources that might be helpful. Plus, another installment of the Happy Friends section of our show!
EPISODE 90: SAVE YOURSELF SOME TIME, WOMEN!
Why you need to read Crappy Friends, the Book, and why you should give it to every girl and woman you know!
EPISODE 91: FRIEND IN THE MAKING
A young woman has trouble not overwhelming people with her desire to make them like her and wonders how to be a good friend to herself and combat her insecurities. Kristan messes up the intro for the first time ever, and Joss cackles. Plus, a lovely letter about Crappy Friends the Book!
EPISODE 92: WHAT ARE YOU OWED?
You're a good friend, always ready to do a favor or be kind…but you get the feeling you're more of a servant than a trusted and cherished pal. Have you chosen the wrong person, or would an honest conversation solve the problem? The Ladies discuss…and get choked up over a beautiful testament to friendship from one of our listeners.
EPISODE 93: LOST IN TRANSLATION
How to encourage a friend new to the country to engage and take advantage of a gap year PLUS dealing with a bit of jealousy when a friend gets all the sympathy PLUS Kristan's most pathetic Thanksgiving story ever.
EPISODE 94: WHEN A FRIEND GOES SILENT
How do you handle the slow ghosting from an old and dear friend? Is there way to check in without being obnoxious when you're legitimately concerned about her mental and physical health? Plus, the Ladies discuss how to be merry and bright with your pals in a year when getting together just isn't safe.
EPISODE 95: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND
Happy New Year! This week's letter discusses how one person only discovered compassion for her friend's situation after going through some dark times of her own. Plus, a beautiful letter about the power of female friendship that will touch your heart!
EPISODE 96: MY SISTER, THE FELON
What DOES one do when one's sister has your parents by the short hairs? When being the good daughter gets you squat, and you get all the blame for not being the bigger person? The Ladies offer advice on how to free up brain space and stop obsessing, and discuss reptilian winter skin as well!
EPISODE 97: FORGIVING YOURSELF FOR BEING THE MEAN GIRL
It happened…despite your best intentions, YOU were the mean girl. You drifted down that road, got caught, apologized…but how the heck did you end up being the bitchy one? What were the signs it was a bad path, and how can you forgive yourself for descending to (cough) her level?
EPISODE 98: GET HER OUT OF MY HEAD!
It was a long and fairly horrible "friendship"...but even so, you can't stop thinking about it. Sure, you're better off now, but what if she wants to pick it up again? Do you have any obligations? Why is she taking up so much mental space, and what can you do? The Ladies have suggestions!
EPISODE 99: AM I TOO AVAILABLE?
Of course, we want to be there for our friends, and we return those texts quickly…but where do you draw the line? And how can you tell if the friendship is slipping into a bad place? Can it be salvaged? Plus, Kristan's latest debacle with body hair!
EPISODE 100: WHEN SHE WENT TOO FAR
Girlfriend crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed…so what do you do when you find yourself lying in bed, fuming? You were there for her in her time of need, big time, and when you need support, she vanishes. Plus, Kristan bungles a word, which Joss will never let her forget.
EPISODE 101: IT'S BEEN A YEAR
Lordy, yes, child. So much has happened in your life, and throughout it all, your bestie has stuck by you. But now her life seems to be moving forward, and you're feeling a little stuck. Should she be more sympathetic and attuned to your life, or is your perspective a bit skewed? The Ladies bring in podcast guest stars Dr. Khaleesi and Mara of the Marble Islands and Countertops to discuss. Plus, a "caught on Zoom" embarrassing personal problem!
EPISODE 102: WHY DO I PICK SUCH CRAPPY FRIENDS?
When one friend burns you, it's hard to believe there are good people out there. Why DO you pick crappy friends? Is this a pattern? Oh, boy, do the Ladies have a discussion on this topic! Brought to you by Kensington Books, www.Kensington.com
EPISODE 103: LIGHTNING ROUND LETTERS
The Ladies rapid-fire version! Three questions, lots of answers, plus Joss's adventures with her hoof-like feet! Brought to you by Kensington Books, www.Kensington.com
EPISODE 104: OH, THE IMMATURITY OF IT ALL!
Is it possible to tell someone you've outgrown them and still have SOME kind of relationship? How hard to you try to maintain even a thread with someone you've grown away from? The Ladies discuss, plus a fabulous EPP, complete with hand gestures.
EPISODE 105: WILL CAT HAIR BE THE END OF US?
Two letters this week, listeners! One: her oldest friend keeps "rescheduling." Is this a red flag or an easy conversation? Two: Does Daisy really disapprove of Cat Hair Lady's wardrobe and style, or is Cat Hair Lady the one who's judging herself? Plus, Kristan tries to break into another car.
EPISODE 106: MIXED MESSAGING
Why doesn't she get the hint that the friendship is over? Maybe because you keep reaching out! Who's to blame in this extremely crappy friend dynamic? Plus, an Embarrassing Personal Problem for the ages.
EPISODE 107: SHOULD I TELL?
You have a piece of information from Friend A. But Friend B, who is much closer to Friend A, hasn't been let in on the news! Awkward, yes. What's your role here? Also, an epic Embarrassing Personal Problem from Joss, who can never go back to that place. Ever.
EPISODE 108: BREAKING UP THE BAND
You've been part of a friend group for years…and now there's that problem person. Can you talk to her about it and avoid hurt feelings? Um…probably not, but you might have to talk anyway. Special guest this week: The Princess weighs in with her millennial wisdom and shares tips on not visiting Mexico in monsoon season.
EPISODE 109: CAN I CHANGE MY SISTER?
When your sister pees on your parade at every opportunity, then tells you you're too sensitive, is it possible to come to terms with her? ARE you too sensitive? The Ladies discuss! Plus, an Embarassing Personal Pregnancy Problem, our first of its kind!
EPISODE 110: NOT TAKING THE HINT
You're just not that into her, and she has no radar for this kind of thing. She's perfectly nice if a little intrusive (or a lot intrusive), and you don't want to hurt her feelings, but COME ON, LADY! GET THE HINT! The Ladies discuss this and receive a most touching letter about great friendship in a time of need.
EPISODE 111: SEPARATING THE WHEAT FROM THE CRAP
Okay, so that funny mean friend finally turned on you…and you learned it from a pretty nice friend. But she's still hanging out with the mean girl, so can you trust her? The Ladies discuss, plus another Adventure in Waxing from Kristan, who is too cheap to go to a place and let the professionals do their thing.
EPISODE 112: THE SPACE BETWEEN TWO & THREES
Two's company, three is maybe a stalker. Are you terrified one friend will freak out if you go out without her? Is your friend having to sneak away to see you? What the hell is that about, anyway? The Ladies discuss this and another letter in which being left out, or wanting to leave someone else out, is at the forefront.
EPISODE 113: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
Why do we put up with a crappy friend for SO LONG? Why do we keep giving them chances? An epic tale of red flags and insults, followed by a tale of the Mean Coworker and how to handle her. Plus, Joss is due for another pedicure. Soon, salons will have her photo at the front desk…
EPISODE 114: AM I RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW SHE FEELS?
Whoo, that question! We've all wondered if WE are the problem and how responsible we might be for hurt feelings. This letter writer asks the eternal question: "Was it me?" The Ladies discuss, and Kristan once again overshares her embarrassing personal medical issues.
EPISODE 115: MENDING A CRACKED FREINDSHIP
This friend and you have history…a really good history! But something's changed or shifted, and you want to get back on track and feel close again. Is it possible? YES, say the Ladies! We outline and discuss the steps to fix the fixable and become, perhaps, closer than ever.
EPISODE 116: IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S YOUR ENERGY WITH DANIELLE INGENITO
Do you always seem to attract the wrong kind of friend? What is it about you that keeps you investing in friendships that don't make you happy? Danielle Ingenito talks about energy and how you can adjust yours to attract the right kind of person. This also explains Joss's eternal question: Why does everyone want to be my friend? It's her mojo, baby! It all makes so much sense after hearing Danielle speak!
EPISODE 117: I'VE OVERHAULED MYSELF...BUT MY FRIENDS ARE THE SAME
You've done the hard work of cleaning up your act and understand your crappy childhood, and you're doing great…except when those two friends are around. You've changed, they haven't, and maybe this long friendship can be tweaked, or maybe it should head for the graveyard.
EPISODE 118: HOW CAN I HELP MY PAL?
It's been a wonderful friendship. The problem is, she's struggling these days, financially and otherwise, and you're doing GREAT. You want to help her, give her money, shore up her self esteem, but you don't want to overstep. The Ladies discuss how to be helpful without alienating her. Also, adventures in underwear sightings for our Embarrassing Personal Problems.
EPISODE 119: FRIEND GROUP DYNAMICS WITH BARBY INGLE
What is it about friend groups that can be so complicated? Why are we so territorial sometimes? What happens when we like some in the group but not others? Barby Ingle shares her wisdom with the Ladies, as well as her personal experience with chronic pain and how it affects friendships.
EPISODE 120: CRAPPY SON
When you grow up with narcissistic parents, it's hard to get out of the habit of catering to everyone's needs but your own. And then, when your own child, now grown, seems to be taking your help and love for granted, it's hard to know how to deal with that, too. The Ladies discuss the difficulties of being honest with a grown child, sticking up for yourself, and, in an epic #EmbarrassingPersonalProblem, the dangers of self-tanning spray.
EPISODE 121: BRANCHING OUT
You've been friends--BEST friends--for years, but now it seems like you're getting to be the third wheel, because Bestie has found someone new. And she's not always super nice, either. Can this friendship still work? Can it be fixed, or should it be left behind, and how will you know which to try? The Ladies discuss, and Kristan shares the mystery of the missing white strip
EPISODE 122: AT THE END OF MY ROPE
It's sadly come to this. One friend is too needy, and the other friend is at the brink. But the friendship is/was so great, the person is just fabulous…but the endless neediness is breaking her. The first in a female/male friendship for the Ladies!
EPISODE 123: TALKING TO A FRIEND WITH AN EATING DISORDER
TW: This episode deals with anorexia.
National Eating Disorder Hotline: 1-800-931-2237
You adore your roommate for so many reasons…but she's got anorexia, and you're terrified it's getting worse. The Ladies bring in real-life psychologist Dr. Khaleesi to address this complicated, difficult issue; self-care when a loved one suffers from an eating disorder; and some strategies to discuss in a kind and compassionate way.
EPISODE 124: ARE PEOPLE GETTING CRAPPIER?
In this episode, a letter writer gives us an example of friends (and strangers) acting differently post-pandemic: insults, exclusion and in one case, unlawful harassment. Kristan and Joss also discuss their worsening wardrobe criteria for the outside world.
EPISODE 125: COMPETING AGAINST A FRIEND: OR NOT
EPISODE 126: AVOIDING NARCISSISTS BEFORE YOU'RE ENTRENCHED
We all know narcissists and have wasted far too much time figuring out they really don't care about anyone but themselves. However, it can be hard to see the warning signs before you've wasted time and energy on this particular kind of vampire. The Ladies also read a follow-up letter from a woman whose narcissist person was her sister, and how she finally and definitively cut ties. You go, sister!
EPISODE 127: MAKING FRIENDS 101
We all have been a turning points in our lives when making new friends is necessary…a move, a new job, new interests. Sometimes, it just magically comes together over time. Other times, it's harder. Female friendship is such an intrinsic part of life, and without it, you can feel quite lonely and, well, a little broken without your besties or your pack. The Ladies read one such letter and offer advice…especially, like all good things, true friendship takes time. Plus, a follow-up letter on how stepping back can make for a better relationship.
EPISODE 128: THE RICH FRIEND, THE WIDOW & THE WEDDING
You've been friends for more than two decades. Promises have been made. And then comes the wedding…ouch. The Ladies discuss what constitutes a promise, what friends owe each other in hard times and the honest truth about weddings.
EPISODE 129: IS MY FRIEND HOMOPHOBIC?
Ah, youth. Sometimes, they just don't know what to say (same is true with adults, of course). The Ladies weigh in on "Van-Nessing" a friend who recently came out and talk about how to negotiate those awkward waters when you're friends with both people and everyone is uncomfortable.
EPISODE 130: SHUT UP, FALCON!
Note to Selves: If you feel yourself wanting to scream, "Shut up, ____!!!!" during a conversation with a friend, it's generally not a good sign. The Ladies get the giggles over this one, and Kristan shares another wardrobe malfunction in front of an innocent man.
EPISODE 131: ME AND MY FRAGILITY
How much consideration should your friends give you when you feel you're ultra-sensitive? How can you avoid feeling hurt and rejected when the issue may actually be a scheduling conflict and nothing more? The Ladies discuss how to avoid FOMO and that feeling of rejection when you're not included or just can't make it to an event.
EPISODE 132: DRAMA QUEEN IN THE NEIGHORHOOD
Whoo-whee! The in-fighting, the ignored birthdays, the gossiping and bitchery in this neighborhood make the Ladies bang our heads against the table. This letter writer and her friends give female friendship a bad name. Deliciously bad behavior all around!
EPISODE 133: CLIQUES AND DICKS
You love your boyfriend, but you can't stand his friends…and especially his friend's baes, who seem to go out of their way to make you feel unwelcome. Really, really unwelcome. What do you say to your honey about the tricks, nastiness and exclusion you're dealing with? Is there a way to be friends with this pack of jackals?
EPISODE 134: GRACIOUSLY DEALING WITH A BIACHE
She's in your friend group, this bitter, angry, self-centered drama queen, and she's telling you where and when you can show up and what the consequences will be if you disobey. Call the police? Or talk to the other friends? The Ladies recommend the latter with what we think is a pretty awesome solution.
EPISODE 135: DRINKING, FRIENDS & DRAMA
TW: This episode deals with unwanted touching and intoxication. The National Sexual Assault Hotline number is 1-800-656-4673. What is the role of a friend when you're drunk and in a bad situation? What kind of reaction should a good friend offer? What expectations should you have in a crisis of this nature?
EPISODE 136: FRIENDS, SEX & THE CITY
You and your friend find yourself living in the same city. Problem is, you don't party like you used to, are trying to clean up your act and be an adult, and you're not sure this friend is going to help the cause. Does this mean you should gently part ways, or can this friendship survive in other ways? The Ladies weigh in, and Joss overshares her recent lip fungus.
EPISODE 137: TOO MUCH THERAPY
In this episode, a caring friend is concerned her friend is getting TOO much therapy from too many sources while she seems to grow less and less happy. Does she speak up? Can she help in any way? Or should she just mind her own business?
EPISODE 138: I LIKE HER DAUGHTER MORE
Oh, the many juicy problems with "Grace," not her real name! She's competitive, judgey, holier-than-thou…and the thing is, you adore her grown daughter, and vice versa! Can you sidestep the mom and just be friends with the now-adult girl you watched grow up? The Ladies think yes…but tread carefully.
EPISODE 139: SUPER CRAZY FRIEND
In which there is much cackling from the Ladies as they read an epic letter from a woman who can't seem to find a friend without some serious baggage, including but not limited to conspiracy theories and aliens. Why does she attract this type of pal? How can she pay more attention to the red flags earlier? And, more importantly, how can she find friends who are more balanced? Or does she really want that at all? The Ladies discuss, Joss is tipsy and suggestions are meted out nevertheless.
EPISODE 140: A FRIEND, A FIANCE AND A FLAME
Your best friend is getting married, and you're her maid of honor! It's lovely…but here's the thing. You recently started dating someone she once dated way back in high school, and now you're getting some weird vibes from the bride-to-be. How do you handle this without damaging a very precious friendship? The Ladies are confident it will all be well in the end (and if we're wrong, we definitely want to hear that story, too).
EPISODE 141: FRIENDS AND THEIR KIDS
Theoretically, we WANT to be that person who's like a cool auntie to our friend's kid. In reality…well. If you're wondering how to get out of that kindergarten graduation party of baby shower you just don't want to attend, listen up. The Ladies also discuss their casual style tips (pockets) and hints for avoiding unwanted guests (crawling).
EPISODE 142: JUST WHEN I MADE A BEST FRIEND
A complicated letter about a shy woman who finally makes a best friend, only to have her partner become more and more uncomfortable with the friendship. The Ladies discuss what seems to them to be a good friend and a potentially dangerous romantic relationship. TW: Isolating behavior bordering on abuse
EPISODE 143: SUPER CRAZY FRIEND, PART II
Another "why did I spend so much time with this person?" letter, plus the reasons we latch onto people, even when it's clear they're not good for us. The Ladies discuss the pressures and ideals that make women think they MUST have a BFF, and what can be wrong with this picture.
EPISODE 144: MY DEAD BEST FRIEND & HER SISTER
You've had a best friend for almost your entire life, and she's been stellar. But tragically, she dies, and you and her sister bond in your shared grief. Then Sis lets something slip that throws you so off course you're utterly crushed and confused. The Ladies have a LOT to say on this letter, and not to worry, listeners. It's all positive.
EPISODE 145: NOT KEEPING UP WITH THE JONESES
You've been there for her through thick and thin, cheered for her, celebrated her…and when you need a little of that from her, there's…nothing. In this eloquent missive, our letter writer details a friendship that's kinda sorta weird, especially when it comes to her pal's husband…who was once in love with her. Oy! The drama!
EPISODE 146: THREE ROOMIES AND A BAD VIBE
You were all friends, more or less, but now the other two are freezing you out. Was it something you said? Did? How can you live peacefully after being told they're just not that into you? In our second letter, the Ladies discuss a work friendship gone wrong, cliques and expectations.
EPISODE 147: THE CLINGY NOT-FRIEND
She acts like you're best friends, but you've never given her any reason to think that, aside from basic common courtesy. You can't ghost her completely, because you work for the same company. How can you get the message through without being downright mean? Also, Kristan shares about a surprise package one of her readers received.
EPISODE 148: LEFT OUT BY GEOGRAPHY OR CIRCUMSTANCE
You're having a baby, and you don't want to become that mom who complains about…well, everything…to your childless by choice pals. How do you make sure you're still a good friend? Or maybe you've moved back to your partner's hometown, but all the ladies are friends already, and you feel left out. The Ladies have lots to say!
EPISODE 149: CIRCLE JERK
The Ladies read two letters this week in a burst of enthusiasm and energy! When you've been ghosted by a friend without explanation, is it okay to ask around to get an answer? Also, what happens when you deeply love a friend, but she's become…boring?
EPISODE 150: THE KNOW-IT-ALL MOTHER FRIEND
You make a friend. She had a baby. You get preggers. She tells you exactly what to do, see, think, feel…and some of her ideas are whack. She tortures you with her bizarre theories and cult-like devotion to the friend du jour. Nevertheless, you find yourself…missing her.
EPISODE 151: THE IMITATOR
You've been frenemies for years, connected by family, location and mutual friends. But whatever you like, she likes more. Whatever you do, she learns to do better. You get a black cat, she gets a black cat. Is there any way to stop her from imitating your life, or at least, any way to stop being infuriated by her copycat ways?
EPISODE 152: WHEN FRIENDS STEAL
She was your friend and colleague, and you did your best to look the other way at her occasional petty behavior…until she outright stole from you. You're gutted and furious and bereft. The Ladies understand.
EPISODE 153: THE UNBALANCED FRIENDSHIP
The Ladies lie in this podcast, telling you there are two letters when there are only one. Nevertheless, we discuss what you can reasonably expect in a friendship, when trying to be helpful can backfire and being able to trust that you're enough just the way you are.
EPISODE 154: THE BIRTHDAY BITCH
A juicy letter about a birthday weekend gone wrong in so many ways! The Ladies get all fired up with our special guest, Kristan's daughter, aka the Princess, who provides the youth (ish) perspective. Salty language is tossed around, plus advice on dealing with passive aggressive behavior.